Dear Couples, Sincerely Me.

Dear couples, I am very happy for you. Now before you jump to any conclusions. I really am. It is exciting and awesome that you are pursuing a relationship with that special guy or girl. Dating should be an adventure. It should be a time where you not only get to know someone else on a deeper level, but where life just seems to be going right. Yes of course we know relationships are hard work. They require time, communication, listening, compromise, and more. At the end of the day, you're dating:that is exciting!! I want you to enjoy every minute of dating and your relationship, but I want you to remember some very important things. I hope that you take time to read the rest of this letter because well.... I am not dating. Yep, that's right. I have never had a girlfriend. Been on a second date or shared a kiss. I am also 23. Most my friends are in relationships, have been in the past, engaged, married, or the newest having kids. Is being single a bad thing?? Of course it doesn't have to be ... nor should it. I want to share with you why its a struggle so maybe you can understand me a little better and remember what its like to be in my shoes. Often people say "Well, it will happen when you stop looking for them".....I can't tell you how many times I have heard this statement. Like magically the second you forget about being single then bam! You find the person of your dreams. You know this may be true for some people. Others its not. Or maybe well "This person doesn't have a girlfriend also"... I really do appreciate your help and your intentions are right but honestly...being single can be really tough and lonely sometimes...reminding me of other people in my same spot just reminds me...I am in that spot...yes I wish it helped but often I just want you to listen. I can't describe how much this helps. I know there isn't an answer or magic cure but when you take time to hear my struggle, it gives me hope that I am not alone on my journey. I work hard, often long hours. As much as I do care about work and doing my job to the best of my ability. ITS JUST WORK.I am not defined by my job. Most people would agree they are the same way. Almost every person in a relationship that I talk to has only one question when they see me.... Hows work going? Do I do that as well...of course I do...but just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I don't have a life outside of work or goals that I want to accomplish which have nothing to do with my job. I can't remember the last time someone asked me how I was doing being single? or what I was doing with my weekend? or what new hobbies I have? or something about me. Everyone feels the need to be valued. I am more than a job. Probably the hardest thing about being single (especially in 2013) is social media. I would love to block the distractions and temptations of not being in a relationship, but its pretty much impossible. Remember my opening words...I am thrilled for your relationship, but posting about how the last 7 weeks and 2 days have been the best days of your life with a picture of both your feet #sweaterweather #twobirds does not help us out. It kills me. I would love to be in a position to share my excitement and I am not saying you should not. Relationships are supposed to be fun. I just want you to understand next time you go to instagram your movie night or walk in the park or post a facebook status about date night and like your own photos of each other...there are people like me...who struggle with feeling lonely watching and hurting when we see we don't have anyone. I wonder if it will ever happen (please don't say it will - just listen to me and try to come over to my side)or if anyone will message me to see how my day way. Most nights I wonder if anyone will message me...notice..if anyone cares to see if I need help. I often don't ask for help or reach out because people always listen with the intention of responding rather than listening. Also its not cool or manly to write about being vulnerable. We all know you are dating. Same idea as facebook...when we are in a group please for my sake...think about how it feels...we are at lunch having fun and the couples are lightly massaging their significant others' shoulder or briskly touching hands...Its hard for me to write this because I have never dated so I could never understand what that feels like...but I can tell you it makes me feel like a 5th wheel or the kid who got picked last. It reminds me...Oh ya there is no way this could have been about having fun or getting food...its about are you in a relationship. Sometimes I want to see you ( not your boyfriend/girlfriend) not because I am against couples or out to take the fun out of relationships...but I value you...I want to have fun without being reminded of my struggle.You can hang out with your guys or girls more than once a month a guys night. Before your relationship you did this...pretty much every night. I loved those moments don't lose them. I haven't dated. This does not mean you can't talk to me about your relationship.I have been on the sidelines watching the game for years. I understand the rules. I care for you. I can help. I can listen because I know how it feels to not have someone to do that. Just like anything. Some days are hard some days are good. But I need you to know. As time passes...it gets harder. If you told a baseball player who had done nothing but strike out for his whole career ...the next pitch you're getting a hit...he would not believe you..you might say "well with that attitude or confidence..of course not." Listen to me...I know I mess up...I know I am not prince charming...I know I have clearly not done it right...sadly trying to be "ME" feels like it backfired. I would love to forgot the past but sometimes I can't. I really need you to encourage me...it doesn't have to be with dating. Don't suggest online dating (I tried it and didn't work). Spend time with me...I could care less what we do...going to office depot can be an adventure if we choose to make it one.As more of you get in relationships and married...to me I feel more left out and a lone ranger. Live life with me, don't check out on adventure. You have new responsibilities...of course but you can still help me if you make the effort. I really do wonder if there is someone out there for me. I think about it most nights, some I have trouble sleeping because of it. I trust God has someone very special in mind and will be faithful to my prayers.Despite my struggle...thank you couples...for showing me what I can look forward too. That relationships are something to be valued. They take time, work, and effort..but are worth every minute. I only ask that you don't forget where you were and where I am now. Sincerely, ME